Sonya Elliott

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AUTHOR & BASKETBALL FANATIC
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PeaceLoveBasketball Friday: Did I Make The Team Coach?

November 20, 2015 By Sonya Elliott

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Basketball tryouts can be tough on everyone involved. As a kid trying out for a team, you’re stressed about making sure you do your best and not allowing your nerves to affect your performance so that you can make the team. As a coach you worry about selecting teams while giving every player a fair shake with a short time period to evaluate, and as a parent you watch while your child weather’s the storm and you function as their anchor, or at least that is the hope.

If you are a player reading this blog, I wish you all the best. Take a deep breath and hit the court with intensity and a positive attitude. And no matter the result, if you give your very best, that is all that really matters. If you don’t make the team or the level of team that you thought you should, it might hurt deep in your soul, but if you gave your all, there can be no regrets. Tears and frustration maybe, but no regrets. Instead, if you love basketball, use this as fuel to work harder over the next year, or if you’re not sure if basketball is your thing, use the opportunity to try something new that peaks your interest. Use this pivotal point in your life as inspiration. What is important to you? What do you really love to do?

If you’re a parent, it’s time to support your child. Be there for them no matter what happens. If they don’t make the team it will surely be a life changing experience, so help it to be a positive one. And if your son or daughter doesn’t end up making Varsity, that’s okay, they can have fun and learn to grow as person and a player on the JV or C-Team. Will they always like what team they ended up on? No. Will you? Possibly not. But, just as in life, you don’t always get what you want, so it is important for your child to learn from the experience and to understand how to make the best of any situation. This is when a parent’s reaction can make all the difference in the world. This is a time for your child to grow, perhaps as a player, and for sure as a person.

A coach works to build the strongest team possible, while teaching young athletes the game. Their focus is on many, not one, so not every player will be happy all the time. I hated being on the bench my first year in high school. But I had to learn that sometimes I didn’t get what I wanted. With support from my parents, I stayed positive and worked hard all of that season and during the next summer and by the following year I was starting. A year is a long time for a teenager to wait and work, but that experience taught me a lot about life and about myself.

My parents were always supportive when I struggled as a kid, yet they let me find my way. Maybe it was just their way of doing things or maybe it was the fact that they knew that one day I would have to live my life, and face challenges and make decisions on my own. This is not an easy thing to do, to support your child while letting them find their way. But it can be done and the results can be amazing.

Last season I had a Senior who played JV and a Senior who played C-team. Often coaches won’t allow seniors on lower level teams because their attitudes can drag the team down if the player carries anger about not being on varsity, but both of these Seniors were excellent leaders on their teams, improved as athletes and had great experiences playing basketball. They both made me proud in the way they represented themselves and our program. Both had supportive parents. I know it’s not always easy to sit back as a parent if you feel your child deserves more, but take a moment to think about the way in which you support them. Ask yourself if it is benefitting them.

I had to remind myself of this recently. My daughter, who is now in college, was not playing with varsity after the first week of tryouts and I’d seen her play with the team at open gym and was surprised. After coaching her for many years, I know what she is capable of, but I also know that the things that she does on the court are not noticeable at first glance. She’s not a fancy ball handler or shooter. She plays tough defense, gets rebounds and steals. She does the grunt work.

I wanted to call her coach and say, “Hey, you are really missing out…” and send videos of her from the state tournament, but instead I told my daughter, “You’re a freshman, just keep working, it will pay off. It may not be this year but you’ll get your chance just keep working.” Inside I was bummed for her but instead of fueling her with negative energy, I supported her and gave her my suggestion. A couple of weeks later she texted that she’d made the varsity. She was lucky that her work paid off so quickly, it could have taken a year or perhaps never, but staying positive was her best bet to make the situation move toward a good ending.

So whether you are in the midst of tryouts or supporting someone who is, stay positive and remind yourself that experiencing tryouts will teach you or your child important lessons about themselves and how best to live their life.

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Filed Under: Basketball, Inspiring, Life, Parenting, PLB Fridays, sports

PeaceLoveBasketball Friday: Protect Our Kids…because the title of this blog could have easily been… “Another High School Football Player Seriously Injured.”

November 6, 2015 By Sonya Elliott

Protect our kids

I saw the hit coming. I was at the top of the stadium watching my son’s high school football game and my stomach clenched as he ran a slant across the middle of the field while a freight train was headed in his direction. The F’word formed on my lips before the hit even happened, before my son leaped up to catch the pass, open and defenseless, to the oncoming hit. A hard tackle would have been bad, but I watched as a kid rammed his helmet into my son’s head and then pushed him to the ground. My son’s arms went slack and his body limp as he fell. The proud defender looked down upon him. I wanted to vomit.

I had just been telling another mom that I hated having to play these final games, when our high school had been eliminated from the playoffs. How I had wanted to be done with football this year. I was looking forward to basketball season and an opportunity for my son to grow and get stronger, make it safer for him to be playing football when the next season came around. He had even scheduled to meet with a trainer to better prepare himself for his junior year. But strength wouldn’t have helped him this night, strength wouldn’t have stopped that targeted hit. The bottom line is, changes need to take place in how the game of football is played, especially at the high school level.

My son has been throwing a football since he was three years old. Every time we go on a family walk, a football is in tow. Football is a part of family life at the Elliott house. I didn’t grow up around the game myself, in my family, football was soccer, but when I was in high school, I supported our team and then later I met my husband at Eastern Washington University where he was playing football. He played college ball, was an All-State quarterback in high school and has coached the game. He loves the game and knows the game inside and out, but I was wishing I’d never heard of the game as I made myself take the stadium steps one at a time to the field. I have spent years as a coach so I know better than to run out on the field like a crazy mom. But I was going crazy on the inside. I wanted to run out and make sure my son was still alive.

The trainers had him surrounded. I walked out and knelt behind them before I saw him move. It took him awhile to sit up. A wave of relief washed through my body but it was followed by more fear. He could not walk away unscathed from a hit like that. I held my breath.

The trainers escorted him to the sidelines. He knew his name, where he was, the basics. The trainers were concerned but optimistic. I was skeptical. He rode home with the team. My ride home with my husband was silent (which NEVER happens), that is until we reached our house. “We got lucky tonight,” He said. I felt it too. There have been six deaths from high school football injuries this year. Again I felt sick.

When I picked my son up from school he acted okay, and when he went to bed that night he seemed fine, but as a coach I’ve had my concussion training, I knew to keep an eye out for symptoms. My husband couldn’t sleep. I woke to find him in his office writing an email titled, “The title of this email could have easily been…”Another High School Football Player Seriously Injured.” He was not only angry and upset that his son was hurt, but he was angry because that night, as he worked the chains on the football field, he’d had to listen to the opposing coaches and players hoot and holler and high-five one another about the “great” hit that left his son unmoving on the field. He was angered by the fact that the game that he loves so dearly had come to this. What had happened to football that was now making it so dangerous? Yes, concussions are a part of the game, but what he had witnessed was not football. It was not a good tackle. A good tackle would have hurt, maybe could have caused a concussion as the player fell to the ground, but when there is intent to use the head and target a player, it is not a good tackle and the chances that something bad will happen are great.

What is the solution? My husband believes that there needs to be a big shift in the rules and officiating concerning tackling. In our area, high school football currently has rules against leading with the head, yet after my son was hit, the only action taken was a 15 yard penalty. My husband believes that a player who makes a targeted hit should be ejected from the game and kept out for one or two more games. Discouraging these vicious hits, by referees and coaches, is where this change must begin. Yes, proper tackling technic is important, but rules and strict enforcement, must be set to keep our kids safe.

Changes must happen now. Even at the professional level changes are happening. Two days after my son was hit, Seahawk Ricardo Lockette, was brought down by a similar tackle while covering a punt. It made me nauseous to watch. The announcer talked about punts being one the last parts of the game, at the professional level, where changes need to happen to remove dangerous hits. If rule changes are happening to protect professional athletes, then they need to happen at the high school level to protect our children.

My son’s concussion symptoms came the following night. I’d made him rest and turn off electronic devices most of the day and when he felt fine that evening we let him meet his buddies for a while, it was Halloween. But later that night the headaches started. The next day was a stronger headache and drowsiness. Then more headaches, drowsiness and difficulty with classwork continued throughout the week.

The average recovery time for a concussion is 2-6 weeks. He will miss his last football game (I’m not so sad about that, but he is bummed), and he’s hoping he’ll be ready for basketball tryouts in a week and a half. We’ve been to the urgent care clinic, the ER and we’re following up next week with the Seattle Sports Concussion Program so we can get a comprehensive understanding of his future, because this is my son’s third concussion and while the kid that hit him is able to play tonight, my son is not only out until his concussion is better, he might be done with football.

I know that I am lucky. My son will be okay. But I have seen far too many concussions with football players in recent years and when it comes closer to home it scares you into action. Let’s work to change the future of high school football. To change and enforce the rules in a way that will make the game safer for our children.

Contact your local Interscholastic Athletic Association today.

In the state of Washington contact the WIAA. CLICK HERE

 …also happening this month in the seattle area

Community Forum on Safety in Sports  |  Monday, November 16, 2015  |  7-8:30 p.m.

Join Q13 Fox anchor Marni Hughes as she moderates a panel discussion focused on safety in sports with an emphasis on signs, symptoms and treatment of head injuries. The panel discussion will be followed by questions from the audience. Parents, coaches and players are encouraged to attend. Event is open to the public.

For more information about the event, CLICK HERE.

Filed Under: Inspiring, Life, Parenting, PLB Fridays, sports

PeaceLoveBasketball Friday: Get Ready for Basketball Season!

October 9, 2015 By Sonya Elliott

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Basketball season is around the corner and for the first time in a long while I’m not preparing to coach, but instead preparing to watch. Simply watching is bound to keep me busy as I will be supporting my son and the boys basketball team, and of course I will be cheering on the high school girls team that I used to coach, and though I will miss being a part of their season as their coach, not coaching will also allow me to travel and watch my daughter who is playing basketball in college. I can’t wait!

If you’re a fan, parent, coach, or a player, here are some great basketball books to get you pumped up and ready for the season!

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In These Girls, Hope is a Muscle (Memoir) by Madeleine Blais

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Brief Garland (Memoir) by Harold Keith

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Back on the Court : a young woman’s triumphant return to life, love & basketball (Memoir) by Sonya G. Elliott

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Counting Coup: A True Story of Basketball and Honor on the Little Big Horn by Larry Colton (Memoir)

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Standing Tall: A Memoir of Tragedy and Triumph (Memoir/Coaching) by C. Vivian Stringer

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Sacred Hoops: Spiritual Lessons of a Hardwood Warrior (Memoir/Coaching) by Phil Jackson

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They Call Me Coach (Coaching) by John Wooden

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Reach for the Summit (Coaching) by Pat Summitt

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Blind Your Ponies (Novel) by Stanley Gordon West

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Sue Bird: Be Yourself (Basketball Positively for Kids) by Sue Bird

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Whose Game Is It, Anyway?: A Guide to Helping Your Child Get the Most from Sports, Organized by Stage and Age (Parents) by Amy Baltzell

 

On my basketball reading list:

  • Play Their Hearts Out by George Dohrmann
  • The Last Shot by Darcy Frey
  • Venus to the Hoop by Sara Corbett.
  • Don’t Put Me In Coach: My Incredible NCAA Journey From The End Of The Bench To The End Of The Bench by Mark Titus

Filed Under: Basketball, Inspiring, Life, Parenting, PLB Fridays, sports Tagged With: basketball

PeaceLoveBasketball Friday: Peace

October 2, 2015 By Sonya Elliott

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Yesterday my yoga instructor invited the class to choose an Intention for the day. I breathed in, my body and mind was tight, it has seemed that way for some time. Into my mind came the word PEACE. I thought, “How corny. Really? Peace is what you come up with Sonya?” But I closed my eyes, and again it was Peace that resonated for me. Peace that I needed.

As we all know, life is busy. I don’t think my life is any busier than anyone else’s, but I haven’t been able to find the peace and calm that is so important to me, especially in the midst of chaos. I write, model, chauffeur kids (well, now down to one), fix and manage rental houses and over the past twenty plus years I’ve been coaching as well. And during my last few years as a head coach, not only did amazing things happen, but a lot of negative energy was thrown in my direction by a group of parents and it made finding peace a little more difficult.

This part of my time coaching is not something I write about very often because I do my best to keep out the bad energy, but it comes up for me from time to time since I live in the neighborhood, and attend events at the high school where I coached, so I often see these parents. It’s not easy to forgive and forget.

The old sticks and stones will break my bones but words can never hurt me, is only partially true. The recent Mindful Magazine article The Stickiness of Misinformation, explains that once a lie has been told, it sticks in the mind, and if continually repeated is seen as a truth. The repetition even emphasizes the lie. The lie becomes a truth in people’s minds. Political Scientist Adam Berinsky says, “Rumors acquire their power through familiarity. Merely repeating a rumor,”—including rebuking it—“ increases its strength.” More reason not to go there, not to talk about the lies.

Recently, when the mother of one of my former players was at her daughter’s Select Basketball games she was asked, “You must be so happy that your daughter’s old coach stepped down?” He had heard rumors. “No. Quite the opposite.” She replied. This parent had believed the lies. The lies had become truth.

I have a thick skin. Coaching (and Modeling) has done that to me. Still, have hateful rumors made it more difficult for me to find peace? At times. But recently I was invited to an event for The Innocence Project, a national litigation and public policy organization dedicated to freeing innocent prisoners using DNA and other new evidence and reforming the criminal justice system to prevent future injustice, and it made me think of how difficult it must be to find peace and forgiveness and to move forward with life when such a wrong has been placed upon you, when 10, 20, 40 years or more of your life has been wrongly spent in prison, away from your family and friends, and it opened my mind that much more to just letting go.

Should I care what others think or say? No, not when my heart is in the right place. But is it always easy? Of course not. Fortunately I have the support of many friends, family, and players who know me and know the love and energy I have put into coaching over the years. So yesterday when I closed my eyes to block out the craziness of the day and focus on my intention of Peace, I thought of those people, the good that surrounds me and the good in my heart, to find my calm. To find Peace.

How do you find peace? Who supports you in finding peace in your life?

 

 

Filed Under: Basketball, Life, Parenting, PLB Fridays, sports Tagged With: Life

Monday’s Pen to Paper: Change

June 1, 2015 By Sonya Elliott

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This is an exciting time. My daughter is about to graduate from high school, but you know what, as excited as I am for her to go off on her own and start living her own life, it’s really hitting me this week on how much I’m gonna miss her. In fact just writing about it gets me a little teary eyed.

Oh, I know she’ll be fine, I know that she will experience amazing things, and meet new friends, and grow as a person, but damn it, I like having her around.

Change is hard, I get it and know how to deal with it, but it doesn’t mean I always have to like it.

WRITING PROMPT: Write about changes that are happening in your life. How do they make you feel? How do they affect your life? 

 

Filed Under: Family, Inspiring, Life, Monday's Pen to Paper, Parenting, Writing

Variety is the Spice of Life: Say NO to playing select sports year-round

May 15, 2015 By Sonya Elliott

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Say NO to playing select sports year-round.

My daughter is doing her senior project on this subject. Her instructor wasn’t crazy about the idea, but my daughter was adamant that it was an important topic and stuck to her guns. I agree. Today’s young athletes start specializing way too early and often for all the wrong reasons.

When I was young we played select sports because we loved to play. We wanted to play more and try to be the best. Today young athletes (often with pressure from their parents) play because they believe it will give them the upper hand for an athletic scholarship. But what most don’t understand is that playing one sport year round not only costs more than college itself, it often puts young athletes in harm’s way emotionally and physically.

 Fact: Less than 2% of high school athletes receive an athletic scholarship to help pay for college, of those very few are full-ride scholarships.

 Fact: Playing year-round sports from a young age leads to overuse injuries and burnout.

Early and continual play of a specific sport does not come with a guarantee of a college athletic scholarship, but it does come with a big price tag. Select sports teams are big business these day. Playing on a top-level team can cost between $8000-$10,000 a year. Yes, I said one year. And many parents pay for private lessons for the athletes as well. The money spent on these programs could go to their college tuition and their high school programs, many of which struggle with funding. (When I took over a head coaching position the program had $4 and 4 uniforms. This is unacceptable and another blog all its own).

I’m not saying athletes that love a specific sport shouldn’t play it more. I just think as a society we’ve gone over the top. I love basketball and played select during high school, but I didn’t pay to play. Instead my teammates and I had to fundraise to travel, we had to work together on and off the court to be successful. A lesson all it’s own. And I participated in different sports throughout high school, giving my body and mind the opportunity to rest and grow.

I say YES to all athletics!!! I love sports. But let’s keep our children’s bodies and minds healthy. Young athletes should try different sports and activities and wait until they are older to start playing select sports. Remember, variety is the spice of life.

MORE INFO AND LINKS:

  • OVER ONE HALF of middle school and high school athlete’s INJURIES ARE DUE TO OVERUSE, which means that half of youth sports injuries are preventable.
  • OVERUSE INJURIES ARE CAUSED BY USING THE SAME MUSCLES AND LIGIMENTS OVER AND OVER. As a result they snap, break, and tear. This includes stress fractures, osteochondral injuries and problems with growth plates.
  • There has been a 400 % INCREASE in anterior cruciate ligament (ACL) injuries in teens and adolescents over a 10 year period in Philadelphia
  • According to Dr. David Grey, director of Orthopedics at Cook Children’s Hospital, there is a lot of pressure in the select world of sports to play one sport year-round, and with this, athletes get a lot of REPETITIVE TRAUMA and are more PRONE TO INJURIES in general.
  • Cross training can help to ease the stress that youth put on their body by building up different muscles, and not overusing them. PLAYING MULTIPLE SPORTS BUILDS A HEALTHIER CHILD.
  • 45% OF PLAYERS 6-17 YEARS OLD QUIT A SPORT they were playing. Top reason: they weren’t having fun.
  • Burnout occurs as a combination of TOO MUCH TIME SPENT PLAYING one sport and EMOTIONAL PRESSURE from parents.

Books related to burnout:

The Sport Parent’s Manual: What Young Athletes Really Want Their Parent’s to Know.

Whose Game Is It, Anyway?: A Guide to Helping Your Child Get the Most from Sport, Organized by Age and Stage.

Link to Athletic Scholarship information:

8 Things You Should Know About Sports Scholarships (CBS News)

 

Filed Under: Basketball, Inspiring, Life, Parenting, PLB Fridays, sports

PeaceLoveBasketball Friday: Time To Soar

May 1, 2015 By Sonya Elliott

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I don’t remember having National College Declaration Day when I headed off to school. Is all the attention on this choice a good thing? I’m not sure, because it’s already a stressful time for seniors. There’s a ton of pressure to make the perfect decision on a school to attend, during a time when they are smack in the middle of taking AP tests, finals and applying for scholarships.

I know, because my daughter has been going through this over the last few months and it has been stressful. Her original college choice ended up being WAY too expensive. It had been our understanding that with merit aid, etc, the cost would be close to the University of Washington, it was not. Even with scholarships she was looking at paying $51,000 a year. We couldn’t, and wouldn’t, pay $240,000 for four years of college. We explained to her that she could buy a house with the money. And so she had to change gears which made it a little difficult at first, because in her mind, everything seemed to pale in comparison.

Some might say, that you get what you pay for. But I knew that there were other schools where my daughter could get a great education and not be burdened with huge loans after she graduated, especially since she wants to travel when she is done. So she narrowed it down to three small colleges (one of her requirements), where she could study Creative Writing and Chinese and play basketball, and then made a final decision this week.

Breathe.

I know she’s nervous, it’s a huge change, heading off to college and stepping out into this great big world on her own. But I also know that even if she has doubts and fears about this new chapter in her life, she will be fine, she is ready. It’s time for her to soar.

Share your experiences surrounding this big day…

Filed Under: Basketball, Life, Parenting, PLB Fridays

PeaceLoveBasketball Friday: Do You Hear Me?

April 10, 2015 By Sonya Elliott

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I heard basketballs bouncing outside when I was writing this week. Kids were shooting baskets in our front yard. (Not my kids, but not an uncommon occurrence since we put a basketball hoop in our front yard two years ago). I heard my husband say, “You should be using your left hand on the left side,” before he walked in the house on his way home from work.

I gave him a kiss and then headed to the door. I couldn’t let it go. (No longer a high school coach, but always a coach.) I lined up all three boys on a seam in the concrete. “Ok, pretend you’ve got a string attached from your left knee up to your elbow.” I lifted my arm and brought up my knee. “Like a puppet.” I explained some more. I had them do it with me ten times. They looked at me like I was a crazy, but they obliged me with some puppetry.

“Now let’s try a couple at the basket.” Of course they all ran back about ten yards to get a run at the hoop and I had to corral them in. I would make this a short lesson, I would have plenty more chances to follow-up.  “Right here guys. One step from the basket.” I said. “Step with your right, and then go up with your left hand and left knee.” They tried. It was awkward. They missed shots. They didn’t like it.

“That looks great!” I said. Once again they looked at me like I was crazy. “Now every day that you’re on this court I expect you to practice a left-handed lay-in at least ten times. Okay?” I received some hesitant nods and some eye rolling. “I’m not kidding.” I said and then walked back into the house with a smile.

The next day I poked my head out the door when I heard a ball bouncing and there was one of the boys practicing his left-handed lay-in. I caught his attention and gave him a thumbs up.

Sometimes kids take in what you do and say even if it may not seem like it. You never know who might be listening. 

 

Filed Under: Basketball, Inspiring, Life, Parenting, PLB Fridays, sports, Writing

PeaceLoveBasketball Friday: Choices

November 14, 2014 By Sonya Elliott

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Sonya Elliott EWU 1988

What makes us gravitate toward different likes and dislikes? What makes one person love to play the piano, others to love to knit or ride a motorcycle or read, or for some of us to love to play basketball? Is it just within us or are we a product of our parents and our environment? Sometimes I wonder.

Take me for example. Why do I love to play basketball? My parents didn’t play, I had no influence to take part in the game. I simply goofed around in the driveway with a basketball when I was young, watched a couple of college games in Montana and then years later tried out for our middle school team because I wanted to, and I have been playing ever since.

Even when I play badly or get beat up, I’m still drawn back to the court. In fact, as I’m writing this blog my jaw aches, my head is throbbing and my teeth hurt, because this morning when I was playing I took a flying elbow to the chin and kept right on playing. (Okay I took a few seconds to silently drop a few choice words, shake out the cobwebs, and then waited through a couple of, “Are you okay’s?” before I opened my jaw wide, to make sure it still worked, rubbed the pain from my brow and proclaimed that I was ready). But I played, and WANTED to play.

You would think such a knock in the head would make me think twice about this addiction of mine, but what’s funny is that it got me going. It pissed me off and brought out my competitive spirit. (Which I’ve learned to contain a bit. After all, I play for fun these days, I’m not in college anymore). But I was fired up, and for a while anyway, I picked up the pace, that is until my age and lack of conditioning brought me back to reality.

As a coach, sometimes I wonder why the kids play. Some of the girls that I have coached over the years love the game, you can tell. Some play basketball because they enjoy the camaraderie and friendships that they build, and some just want to try something new, push themselves a little, expand their horizons. But I think that there are many girls that are pushed to play. And that continual pushing can scare them away instead of bringing them closer to the game. I doubt that many are told that they HAVE to play, but does it have to be a direct demand to still feel that way if you’re a kid? I don’t think so. Expectations, some good and others unreasonable, can be set within a family’s dynamics way before the child gets to a high school tryout?

When my daughter decided not to play softball last year, my husband was bummed. He had developed a tight bond with her over the years by playing catch. He had learned not to always coach her and to sometimes just be there with her.  “Make it fun,” I suggested early on, “and she will want to play catch.” And for years she would grab her mitt, and her dad, and they’d hit the park across the street for hours. Though she loved pitching to her dad, she never really loved the game of softball, but still played on the high school team for two years and then last year she decide to try out for the school musical. The theater group would be her team that spring and that was okay and it was the perfect opportunity to grow and learn about her likes and dislikes. Try something new. I don’t know what she’ll do this spring, but I do know that we will support her in her choice as she is a senior and will be making many of her decisions on her own very soon.

Would I love to watch her play softball? Yes. Would I like to watch her in the musical again? You bet. Will she get to hang out and play video games? No. That would be when she would have to make her own decision on what job to get. But she will be finding what is right for her.

Why do I play ball? I guess I play because I love it. All of it. After the game continued the other day when I was playing, I did enjoy a couple of nice shots, a sweet pass and yes, a couple of turn overs. (Which is always good to remind me, the coach me, that nobody is perfect.) And I ended the game with a smile.  But even when I come home from the gym mad after stinking on defense and bricking my shots, there’s something about it I love. It doesn’t hurt that it’s a fun way to get my exercise, but its more than that. I will continue to play until my knees no longer allow me to move at a competitive pace. But when a person is young sometimes it takes a while to find what it is you really love to do. It’s important to try new things and to keep on trying things as long as you live. (I didn’t find out that I love to write until I was in my 30’s.)

So go out and do those things that you love, don’t question why, just do them, and then don’t be afraid to try new things and make sure that you allow your kids to do the same.

 

Filed Under: Basketball, Life, Parenting, PLB Fridays

PeaceLoveBasketball Friday: Sometimes Rules Are Made To Be Broken

May 30, 2014 By Sonya Elliott

DSC_0254I have a rule to not play basketball in anything but basketball shoes. It started over 30 years ago when I sprained my ankle messing around on the court in running shoes. I broke my rule yesterday.

I couldn’t help myself.

It was my son’s fault. He walked past me, headed to the basketball court outside to shoot around, and I asked if he wanted a rebounder, and he said sure. Was that a “yes, I want my mom to rebound for me” from my 14-year-old son? I set my homework on the sofa and sprinted out the door. I was in my jeans, t-shirt, and my Adidas street shoes (not basketball shoes) and my hair was down. (not the norm for me). I started out rebounding and passing.

“Nice job.” Rebound. Pass. “Good follow through.”  Rebound. Pass. Silence. Rebound. Pass. I try not to over coach my kids. I don’t know if that’s good or bad but that’s the way I do it. It went this way for a while, and I’m not sure when it changed, if it was when my husband walked by and encouraged a little one on one, but next thing you know we were full-out one on one. Well, as full-out as an old woman in jeans with hair in her eyes and a teenage kid in his slides can go, but it was fun and it got a little physical and worth the effort. I hit some nice shots and so did he and he learned to follow his damn shot because a 47-year-old should not be able to out rebound a teenager. Well hopefully he learned it, because he heard about it, about 20 times. (I couldn’t let that tidbit of coaching pass unattended.)

So, I broke my rule and fortunately I didn’t break my ankle. I did however, get to enjoy a moment on the court with my son that I won’t soon forget.

I guess sometime rules are meant to be broken.

 

Filed Under: Basketball, Inspiring, Life, Parenting, PLB Fridays, sports

PeaceLoveBasketball Fridays: Guidance

May 17, 2013 By Sonya Elliott

It’s hard at times be on the outside looking in, watching our kids move through life and experience life, with different coaches and teachers. We want their lives to be perfect, each experience to be perfect. But there are always struggles (as well as good times) along the way. And isn’t that what life is all about?

There is a common saying among coaches, “You learn more from the losses.” Not only does this saying help buffer the pain of a loss on the court, I believe it is true. Just as it is true in life.

When times are tough and don’t go our way. We can either blame others and pout, or “pull up our bootstraps” and find out what needs to be done, move forward, and make a positive step in the right direction. As parents, it’s our job to help our kids learn this not-so-easy life skill.

My daughter isn’t crazy about her Math teacher. At the beginning of the year when I asked about her school day, she’d say, “It was terrible. I hate math.” As a parent that’s not fun to hear. What about the rest of the day? Nothing. Just the bitter taste of MATH stuck in her head. I wanted to get her a new math teacher, instead we talked about ways she could be successful in class, and try, at the very least, to endure and not dread it. We talked about how it was important to learn to have, at minimum, a good relationship with her math teacher, “You may have bosses or employees one day that you don’t get along with very well, but you’ll need to work with them.” She still doesn’t love math, but it doesn’t ruin her day.

My son is on a basketball team where he spends more time on the bench than he’s used to. I want to tell the coach to play him more, instead it’s a good lesson in working harder in practice, staying positive and being a supportive teammate. Recently he’s been outside, rain or shine, shooting hoops. (maybe partially to put off doing homework) When he’s in the game he’s hustling, and most important, when he’s on the bench, he cheers for his teammates and is focused on the game.

Being a parent is not easy, but I try to remind myself that I’m not here to make my kid’s lives perfect, I’m here to guide them, so they can thrive when I’m no longer by their side.

Filed Under: Basketball, Family, Life, Parenting, PLB Fridays, sports

PeaceLoveBasketball Friday: For The Love Of The Game

May 10, 2013 By Sonya Elliott

This morning I was plopped in front of my computer, staring at the screen, fingers motionless, wondering what tidbit of basketball I should write about. nothing came to me. I stared some more. Maybe I was tired (and a little grumpy) from my lousy game last night. My shot was WAY off and my energy level in the tank. Hustle is generally the best part of my game…but not last night. So there I was sitting, moping, hoping for inspiration, when I heard a bounce, and another bounce, and another bounce and a swish. Mind you this was 9:00am on a school day.

I smiled. The neighbor boys were getting ready to head off to school. Ahhh. My smile spread across my face while I listened to the ball bounce and swish and bounce and swish for several minutes until our front yard basketball hoop, that entices young and old, fell silent.

That’s what it’s about. Tossing in a few shots before you have to sit in the class room all day. Grabbing a friend and battling it out in a little one on one. Self commentating as you, alone, dart around the court to make the buzzer beating 3-point shot to win the game. Whether you play in high school, college, or are an old rec-leaguer like me, whether you’re a coach, or a parent watching it all, remember what this game is really about. Remember the fun, and remember the love of the game.

Filed Under: Basketball, Inspiring, Life, Parenting, sports

Book Review: The Improv by M.J. McDermott

May 2, 2013 By Sonya Elliott

I met M.J. working on the book trailer for my memoir “Back on the Court”. She too is a writer and what a story she has to tell. Her novel, “The Improv” is based on her personal experience as an actress in college . After I finished her book, I couldn’t stop thinking about it. I had to talk to my teenage daughter about it.

As an athlete and fashion model I grew up witnessing predators in action. A coach that dated his, much younger, players, photographers that suggested bras or panties be removed, agents that asked young men to remove ALL their clothing while they were measured. But what is revealed in “The Improv” brings the predators manipulation to a whole new level.

“The Improv” is a thought-provoking, oh-so-relevant, must-read. The novel (based on a true story) flawlessly weaves college life, youthful innocence, and a predator’s perversion, into a suspenseful, entertaining and at times haunting story. A story that needed to be told. Thank you Ms. McDermott.

From the back cover:

A novel based on a true story. For mature young adults. It is 1982 at a New England university, and drama major Margo Laughton is thrilled and terrified to be cast as “Sheila” in the rock musical Hair. The show’s director, Professor Harrison P. Adler, is known for his daring productions. Rumors have circulated for decades about how Harry gets actors to break through their inhibitions. He prefers working with boys, encouraging them to become violent and explore their sexuality in carefully guided improvisations or “improvs.” In 1969, an actor in one of Harry’s plays committed suicide. Is Harry a brilliant ground-breaking acting coach, or is he a manipulative voyeur who has found an academically and artistically sanctioned way to indulge his perversions? Margo and her leading man enjoy a playful rehearsal relationship that is shattered after a highly secretive, males-only improv. Margo is determined to find out what happened in the improv and the 1969 suicide, risking her romance and her hoped-for acting career in order to make sure that Harry never directs another play at the college.

Filed Under: Book Review, Life, modeling/fashion, Parenting, Writing

Hidden Treasures

October 18, 2012 By Sonya Elliott

There was a part of me that wanted to throw away the tall stacks of old homework papers that were piled in the corner of my office. More than a years worth of two kids schoolwork adds up to a lot of paper cuts and huge pile of recycle. I know I should do this process once a week, or once a month, but I have given into the fact that it happens once every year or two for me. But in the end, there are always one or two nuggets of gold that make it worth it. In between the numbers & graphs, definitions and essays, I find some poetry & prose that give me insight into my growing and ever-changing kids, and occasionally a little insight on life.

Don’t forget to sift & search for life’s hidden treasures.

 

…I knew about this poem, but I came across it and others, by my daughter and my son, that helped me know them just a little bit better…

 

          FREEDOM OF SPEECH

          BY CHARLI ELLIOTT

 

          I want to always rise to the                                                                                                

          Challenge. I want to never sit alone.

          I want to learn to talk and be heard.

 

          I want to watch as the grass grows

          Old and dies. Month after month. Year after year.

 

          I want to see. If the moon can rise

          Every night, I want the taste

          Of freedom on the tip of my tongue

 

          I want to touch you, dance with you on

          A cloud made of light. I want to lose myself

 

          In the labyrinth and rolling waves

          Of your eyes. I want to free myself

          Of hate. I want to be free from the shackles of freedom.

 

          I want to be free, and free of freedom,

          With its cold irons clasped on your wrists. Its

 

          Frenzied thoughts, its open plains, and definition

          Tied neatly with a bow. I want to be free of

          Words without meaning and listlessness. My anger,

 

          My loss and apologies, my doubt.

          If the rain can cleanse the earth

 

          I want a fresh soul. I want the stones wisdom

          And the earth’s flexibility. I want the lights

          Ubiquity, but not its invisible touch

 

          I want the reliance of the sun, but not its fury.

          I want the strength of the universe. I want to search

 

          The rolling hills of elsewhere and find

          You there. I want the tips of your fingers

 

          In the small of my back. I want to be the tree

          But not the leaves. I do not want to be the grass

          I do not want to be the dew covered spider web,

 

          Or the spider. When I leave this body

          I want to be sheer power. I want to have a voice.

 

 

 

                                        

Filed Under: Family, Inspiring, Life, Parenting, Writing

Letting go

September 13, 2012 By Sonya Elliott

Being a mom is scary. My son has wanted to play football since he was 5 years old. His dad was an all-state quarter back who went on to play in college. My son has loved playing catch since before he could walk. (almost) Football is in his blood. Protecting my son is in mine.

When he was young I laid down the law. “No contact football until Middle School.” I became a flag football coach. My son and his friends learned the fundamentals of the game without getting pummeled.

Last year my son started middle school. What? Already? Somehow he never got signed up for football. I was happy to watch him learn ultimate frisbee.

This year my son’s friend started contact football, there was no excuse, other than fear. And there are good reasons for the fear, he got a mild concussion the first day. My husband took many hard hits throughout his career and he is okay, but it is my job to protect. If my son breaks a leg, sprains a wrist, jams a finger, that’s one thing, but the head, his mind? Now that is extra precious.

My son sat out for several days and when he returned to the field I watched practice from the sideline. He smiled, moved into the huddle with focus, then on the snap, dropped back in the pocket and let the ball fly with the grace of a seasoned vet. When the ball was tossed back to him to start the next down, he pulled it down with one hand and cradled it with ease . He was at home.

If he takes another bad hit this year, my husband and I will make him sit out the season, but for now I have to let go of my fear and let  my son follow this dream.

 

Filed Under: Life, Parenting, sports

Is it time for a break?

June 27, 2012 By Sonya Elliott

Basketball Twenty-four Seven? I don’t believe in it. You’re probably thinking, “What? A high school coach and former Division 1 college athlete doesn’t recommend that a player dive into to the game all the time?” Nope. I don’t. Unless of course it is ALL by choice. Every kid, and adult for that matter, needs a little nudge here and there throughout life, and when a kid is on the court, I expect 100%, but that’s part of the reason I don’t believe in practicing and playing all the time. It’s overkill. Basketball, or any activity, all the time can equal burnout.

I’m 45 years old and happy if I can get in a couple of days a week on the court playing basketball. After college I would play every day if I could. But before that it was different. During college I would take about a month off during the summer. College was intense and because of that, I needed the mental and physical break.

I started playing organized basketball in 7th grade (during the season) and by 10th grade I played on an AAU team that played in a couple of spring tournaments. My last two years of high school I played on a serious AAU team. That team practiced once or twice a week, played in a few games and tournaments and went to the Regional and National Championships. But that was just during the spring and part of summer. Not year long like many kids today. I loved playing basketball, but I ran track, played volleyball, sang and hung out with my friends too.

When I ask kids about their weekends these days I often hear, “Oh, I had another tournament.” Occasionally their eyes light up but more often than not, there is one word along with the lack of enthusiasm in their voice, that is a dead give-away to their tournament experience, and that is “another.” Another, another, another…

Don’t get me wrong. I don’t think kids should be sitting around playing video games and watching TV. If you want to get better at something, you’ve got to work at it, put in the time. But people need breaks. Recently my daughter chose horseback riding and homework over basketball. As a coach, her coach, she knew about the open gym, but I couldn’t require that she come since it was out-of-season. As a parent, I could have insisted. (If it were an in-season practice, she would have no choice. You commit to the program, you come to practice every day.) But I refrained from “guilt trip” questioning and then slightly disappointment (mostly because I enjoy her company) I headed to the gym alone.

The next open-gym, she came on her own accord and played with a revived energy. What takes a player to the next level?  Practice and passion. Maybe my daughter had just needed a break.

Filed Under: Basketball, Life, Parenting, Uncategorized

FRIENDSHIP III – Support

November 23, 2011 By Sonya Elliott

“In everyone’s life, at some time, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being. We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit. ”

~Albert Schweitzer

My husband threw a book release party for the launch of my memoir Back on the Court. (well, he did have help from Heidi and Kathy) Friends and family gathered to celebrate. Models, basketball players & coaches, fellow writers, and friends I’ve met over the years through my kid’s preschool, elementary school and middle school days were there. Even a childhood friend who played with me in the sandbox when I was 3 years old suprized me. I wanted to cry. Okay, I did cry. But it was good to shed those tears and take a moment to focus on the friends that have helped support me through this thing called life.

Take a moment…think about those who have helped support you through life?

Filed Under: Family, Friendship, Inspiring, Life, modeling/fashion, Parenting, Recovery

Just do it!

October 5, 2011 By Sonya Elliott


Do you ever struggle to get yourself to workout? I’ve worked out once in the last 2 months. (I played basketball on my birthday.) I’m always pretty active. I walk, work around the house and yard, that sort of thing, but other than that I’ve been slightly lazy and It’s time I get out of the lethargic state I’m in and hit the gym.

I know how good it feels to be in shape. I’ve been there on and off my entire life, but these days there always seems to be something that gets in the way. Something more urgent. The laundry, the bills, chauffeuring kids from place to place. Even watching TV at times becomes more urgent.

Excuses. Yes, I know they are all excuses, but how do I get going again? It all started when I hurt my toe (yes toe). It slowed me down, gave me a “real” excuse. I still could have ridden my bike, used the elliptical, things of that sort, but I didn’t, I fell into this lazy state of being (and I’ll admit, a part of me really likes it). But now its time to get after it, like the classic Nike campaign, I will start the laundry, do the dishes and then give my self a kick in the butt….and JUST DO IT!

Filed Under: Basketball, Inspiring, Life, Parenting, Recovery

Perfect Expectations

June 9, 2011 By Sonya Elliott


It’s tough being an athlete. And I’m not talking about for professionals; I’m talking about for kids. The expectations today’s society puts on young athletes are crazy. I’ve listened to parents and coaches berate kids for mistakes that are just that…mistakes. No one is perfect. My husband rolls his eyes when I remind him and my kids, “Even the pro’s make mistakes.”

As a coach and a parent I am no Saint. I get frustrated when my kids don’t do the things I know they can do. But I try my best to look at the big picture.

Two weeks ago I played out of my head and scored twenty points in my basketball game. Last week I stunk. I couldn’t hit a shot, threw the ball away and made a lot of stupid mistakes. I wanted to throw my hands up and cry but I’ve learned from my years on the court to dig deep and keep on going. It’s hard for an experienced athlete to make it through the tough games and to remember what all good athletes eventually learn: No one is perfect, just…NEVER GIVE UP.

Young athletes need encouragement and support. Expect them to push themselves and work hard. Don’t expect them to be perfect.

Filed Under: Basketball, Family, Life, Parenting

Breathe

May 27, 2011 By Sonya Elliott


Sometimes I have to stop for a moment and breathe. I mean really breathe. Allow the tension in my body to melt away. Recently I have had a lot of these times.

Fortunately, every Thursday I write with my friend Jenny. We hold one another accountable to our writing goals and use the time to put words on paper. Instead of talking about our week, we write a letter to one another as our writing warm up. Yesterday, in my letter I thanked her for our friendship and then dove into my frenzied week. Scribbling at a pace that was as fast as my life, up until that very moment. Field trips, games, photo shoots, business meetings, open gyms and of course the never ending, and dreaded, cleaning. Sentence by sentence, I detailed the chaos and at the end of each paragraph I wrote BREATHE. An explanation to Jenny, and a reminder to myself, of what I should be doing. I wrote. Took a breath. Wrote. Took a breath. And with each breath felt more calm and thought to myself, “…this should be a blog.”

We read our letters out loud to one another. Jenny went first. I smiled as she shared her letter that was written to me. She paused and I watched her shoulders rise and fall. “Breathe,” she read aloud. Our minds were in tune. (this was not the first time.) Jenny had started a blog series BREATH.

There is much to be said about the benefit of a good deep breath. Take a moment now, fill your lungs, hold the air inside your body for a brief moment and then, let it go…breathe…

*For more on BREATH go to www.heartwriter.com

Filed Under: Family, Life, Parenting, Recovery, Writing

Relishing the Moment

May 19, 2011 By Sonya Elliott

I give my daughter a bad time about being too rough on the basketball court, but in reality I love her feistiness. Last week when I asked if she wanted to come to open gym with me, she looked up from her book and yawned. She was snuggled into bed, our dog sassy draped across her.

“Not tonight mom.”

“Alright.” I said.

I grabbed my high-tops and was opening the door when I heard, “Hey mom, wait!”

My assistant coach and her daughter came to open gym as well, and while my assistant and I lowered the hoops and chatted, the girls shot around. Then by two’s, seniors who would no longer be playing for our high school, arrived to play. I was glad to see them, glad that something about the game and the friendships that they’ve built bring them back to this court even though they are finished with their high school careers.

Once enough players arrived, we played full-court basketball and little miss “I want to read my book” was flying up and down the court, hustling for loose balls and crashing the boards. I couldn’t help but smile. It was heaven for me. Twenty years ago, when I nearly lost my life in a car accident, I never would have dreamed I would be in this place. Playing basketball with my daughter. Whatever her future in the game matters not, it’s this moment we share together.

What are some of the moments in your life that make life worth living?

Filed Under: Basketball, Inspiring, Life, Parenting

Variety is the Spice of Life

May 3, 2011 By Sonya Elliott

I love basketball and feel very fortunate that I was able to get my college education paid for playing the game, but because I love it doesn’t mean it’s all I do. Too often I talk to young athletes (or their parents) that have decided that they are going to focus on one sport. “For what?” is my first thought. To go pro? .03 percent of high school basketball players make it to the professional level. To get a scholarship to college? Less than 1 percent of kids receive scholarships to play basketball in college. Often the money spent trying to improve a child’s skills in hopes that the child will earn a scholarship, could pay for college itself. And often the result is a child that has injuries from repeated use and no longer loves the game. Being a part of a team is a lot of fun, most of the time, but even when it’s not, a young athlete is staying out of trouble and learning lessons that will help them throughout their lifetime.

Why not play several sports? I expect my kids (the ones I’m raising), and I suggest to the kids that I coach, to play different sports. And why not play instruments, draw, design and create, on top of studying, because as a coach I’ve seen the burn out. A 3rd grader goes full-time select soccer and is done with soccer by middle school. A Senior in high school is recruited to play Division 1 basketball but doesn’t except the scholarship because she’s tired of playing. These are just a couple of many stories I have heard over the years.

I’m 44 years old and I play basketball 2-3 times a week because I love to play. I started playing basketball in 7th grade and added AAU ball when I was in 9th grade, but it wasn’t all consuming. I also played volleyball (they didn’t have school soccer in those days), played softball, ran track, sang in the choir, and hung out with my friends. When I was on the court, I was focused, but the rest of the time I was involved with life, just as I believe it should be for young athletes today.

Filed Under: Basketball, Family, Inspiring, Life, Parenting

Give me the freedom of the court or maybe just 2 on 2 will do

June 23, 2009 By Sonya Elliott

Cass got the bad draw today…his mom. 2 on 2 has never been my game, I like the freedom of the full court. The opportunity to run and blend with my teammates on the hardwood, not trip over the bumpy grass/driveway court. Still I had fun. Even after a 14-15 loss to Charli & Dad, I had fun. (We’ll get’em next time Cass, not that winning is that important, but it’s nice every once in a while) 

Three more families have joined the Peace.Love.Basketball Shooting Challenge and over fifteen kids. Don’t forget to let me know how you’re doing. And get out there and have fun! 
Best of luck!
  

Filed Under: Basketball, Family, Parenting

Family Time on the Court

June 17, 2009 By Sonya Elliott

Well, both kids passed me quite handily on their shooting charts. It doesn’t hurt that they have had me as a rebounder. (how can I resist a “mom, can you come out and shoot with me, please?”)  It doesn’t even bother me that I end up rebounding. In fact, I enjoy it. I didn’t realize starting the Peace.Love.Basketball Shooting Challenge would bring me even closer to my kids.

I wasn’t sure they would want to do the Challenge. But Cass ran out to the hoop the first day, shooting 40 shots before we walked to school. Charli knew about the PLB Shooting Challenge but she didn’t really say much, other than briefly commenting about having her picture on the small handout I was making about the Shooting Challenge. A comment that was as difficult to read as her opinion on the Challenge itself. I was preparing for, “I don’t really want to do it mom.” And had decided not to push. I’ve seen way to much of that in my years of coaching and I’ve seen what it can do to girls and their love of the game. “Sonya you’ll have to ‘let it go’ if Charli doesn’t feel like doing the Challenge” I told myself. 
Yesterday Charli asked, “Hey, why don’t I have a shooting chart taped on the wall for me?” 
“I didn’t know if you wanted one.” I said, dropping the last dirty fork into the dishwasher.
“Yes, I want a chart.” she said grabbing a ball and heading to the court.
I smiled as I filled the dishwasher with soap and closed the door. 
Never mind that she shot in her bare feet the first day. Never mind that she decided to go with shots taken, not shots made. She’s out there shooting, having fun. And better yet, part of the time, I’ve been out there with her. I’ve been keeping quiet and keeping it fun. Well, maybe I’ve let out an occasional “don’t forget to square your shoulders to the hoop,” how could I not. But I’m staying quiet enough that she’s smiling and now she has passed me by about 300 shots. I’ve got some work to do tomorrow…

Filed Under: Basketball, Family, Parenting

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